If that is true, I definitely left it back in Texas. Trying to start a new life abroad like I’m doing with no clear view of how it’s all going to work out puts you in a strange position. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. You learn a lot about yourself and deal with strange feelings that have never been an issue before.
I’ve never really been one to get homesick, but just three days in and I am probably what you would call desperately homesick. I can’t even talk to my family right now, because suddenly, seeing their messages makes me want to cry. I saw a video message my dad left me on Skype and I nearly lost it in the middle of the lobby of my hostel. I have a few loved ones wanting to FaceTime, but I’m hoping they understand that I just can’t right now. It’s been really hard suppressing tears and trying to figure out why I’ve become so uncontrollably emotional. I’m afraid that the moment I hear a familiar voice or see a familiar face, I will inexcusably burst into tears.
I’ve fought it hard and told myself I’m being ridiculous, but the truth is, I’m scared and lonely. I really didn’t know I would react like this. I would love to hop on a plane right now and just come home. But I can’t do that. I would forever regret the day I just gave up. If I let fear control me, I will surely fail. Much of it is a pride thing, and of that I’ve become painfully aware. Thankfully, I have my Bible and quiet moments to dwell on truth.
Just yesterday I was reading in Isaiah and came across some encouraging passages:
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. –Isaiah 55:9
For this is what the high and lofty One says – he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.” – Isaiah 57:15
Pray that I find a good church here, and that I find a good job and a good place to live (haha…basically for everything!).
And if I don’t get back to you right away, don’t be offended, it just might be that I love you too much to handle it!